Miss America? Miss Lumberjack?

I am going to let you in on a little secret.

What I am about to tell you may come as a surpise:

I have a burning passion for plaid and flannel clothing.

*GASP*

Okay now that I got that off my chest I will move on.

My mother forced me to watch the Miss America competition last night. I am not really sure why she was so interested in the competition. All of the stories she has told me of pageants she participated in as a child were horrifying tales of lace. However, I relinquished the remote because:

A. She pays the bills.

B. She grew me in her womb.

C. My only other option was to watch Myth Busters.

2.47 minutes into watching the broadcast, my sarcasm reared its ugly head with a vengeance. See photo below:

This is me.

This is me wearing my *cough**cough* Prom Queen Crown* cough*cough*

This is me mocking a Miss America contestant wearing said above object.

This is me in a tiara wearing my LUMBERJACK shirt.

I LOVE my lumberjack shirt.

It is cozy and five sizes to big for me and soft and plaid and flannel and doesn't care that I ate an ungodly amount of bacon for breakfast.

Next came the swim suit competition, but I won't post pictures of that because:

1. There are perverts on the internet.

2. It is the middle of winter and Grace feels no need to tan and/or shave. WHAT? DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD? Whoops...

3. I have eaten too much macaroni & cheese over the holiday season.

In the end, I was voted Miss Congeniality. This is, in part, because I have no talent.

Well.... I have talent. Just not any talent I can show on a stage or, in this case, the middle of my living room.

It is okay. I am learning to deal with this fact. Seriously, I'm fine. Don't worry about little ole talentless me. I don't care that I couldn't dance to save my life and that my vocal chords hate me.

I'm going to see a therapist Monday.

31 days

I have spent 31 consecutive days of my life here:

Well besides the other 18 some-odd years I grew up here.

Let be the first to say, though, that are only so many things you can do in this house.

In other words I am bored.

I even scrubbed the stove and the vent-a-hood yesterday because I was so bored.

My mother isn't complaining about my boredom.

I would like to return to college now, though. Please and Thank You. Amen.

Science experiment vs. Bleach

Remember in middle school when you used to get soooo excited over science projects? You used to love to make things boil, foam, and change colors. 

I channeled this spirit recently. See, my favorite white t-shirt had a mysterious stain. So I went to Wal-mart to get something to remove said mysterious stain. I could have simply purchased bleach. It certainly would have done the job. However, I decided to buy this:

 It looks exactly like a science project, right? You have to pour the powder in just as the water is simmering and stir it for like 30 minutes. 

What could go wrong right???

In my world something ALWAYS goes wrong. ALWAYS.

So my roommate and I slowly began to notice that a very putrid smell was beginning to take over the entire apartment. Within minutes the whole place smelled exactly like four-week-old Easter eggs you never did find after the Easter egg hunt.

Air Wick Clean Linen spray DID NOT mask the odor. It failed me for the first time ever. Therefore we had to resort to this: 

The fan is slowly pulling the rotten-egg smell out of the apartment and replacing it with cleaner, fresher air. The watermelons serve no other purpose other than to keep the door open. People outside our apartment even noticed the smell we were slowly filtering out the door. It was seriously a god-awful smell. 

I'm pretty sure Crystal and I lost a few hundred brain cells due to the smell. So much for a science project. And the worst part: my shirt is still stained. 

Grace

Twin???

I made a discovery tonight.... Dakota Fanning has been casted for the new Twilight  movie, New Moon. She doesn't have a major role, but she will be in the film. It just so happens that I like Dakota Fanning and her work. It ALSO just so happens that Dakota Fanning is my twin... Really, she is. Take a look for yourself:

Me: ( This is a REALLY OLD picture of me from my junior year of high school and is not very good quality but I thought it worked best for this purpose. Please forgive the odd light on my mouth/cheek. Thank you.)

Dakota Fanning:

Do you see the resemblence????????????

Don't try to say that I am crazy either....TONS of people tell me that I look like her ALL the time. This one man I know doesn't even call me by my real name anymore; he just calls my Dakota. 

I even took the time to break down and highlight the similarities. 

Black arrows: We are both blondes!

Red arrows: We both have small upper lips!

White arrows: We both have the same nose!

Blue arrows: We both have tiny dimples that only show when we are smiling really hard!

BUT WAIT! THERE IS MORE!

 While I was googling pictures of Dakota Fanning ( I am only taking the time to do this because I simply can't fall asleep....just if you were wondering.) I also found some rather intriguing facts about the young actress that I am going to share with you.

1. She was born in Georgia.

              a. I was born in Tennessee! We are both from the South!

2. She had several issues and procedures done on her teeth.

              a. I had braces and retainers for like 7 years of my life!

3. She made all A's her sophomore year of high 

school except for Geometry.

      a. I had all A's in high school until my sophomore year when I made a B in Geometry!

4. She and most of her family go by their middle names.

              a. My father, brother, and myself all go by our middle names!

All of this simply adds up to one thing:

Dakota Fanning and I were separated at birth (The age difference is merely a trivial factor). I have come to terms with the fact that Dakota was chosen over me at birth to become the famous one. Seriously, I could care less that she gets to go to red carpet events and act alongside Denzel Washington. Whoever separated us at birth did me a favor. Why would I want to be rich and famous by the age of like 16 anyway? Why would I want to be able to have multiple appearances on the Tonight Show and have a role in New Moon? I totally got the better end of the deal. But hey, being the considerate person that I am, I am going to make my dear twin, Dakota, an offer...

I am willing to sacrifice myself and give up my dogs, couch, laptop, and fudge-pops for a couple of weeks to trade places with Dakota so that she might have a break. I mean it is the LEAST I can do for her, after all.

    

  

I'm just saying...

Grace

p.s. Okay, fine...I'll go to bed now....