Sunday, January 31, 2010

Miss America? Miss Lumberjack?

I am going to let you in on a little secret.
What I am about to tell you may come as a surpise:

I have a burning passion for plaid and flannel clothing.


Okay now that I got that off my chest I will move on.

My mother forced me to watch the Miss America competition last night. I am not really sure why she was so interested in the competition. All of the stories she has told me of pageants she participated in as a child were horrifying tales of lace. However, I relinquished the remote because:
A. She pays the bills.
B. She grew me in her womb.
C. My only other option was to watch Myth Busters.

2.47 minutes into watching the broadcast, my sarcasm reared its ugly head with a vengeance. See photo below:

This is me.
This is me wearing my *cough**cough* Prom Queen Crown* cough*cough*
This is me mocking a Miss America contestant wearing said above object.
This is me in a tiara wearing my LUMBERJACK shirt.

I LOVE my lumberjack shirt.
It is cozy and five sizes to big for me and soft and plaid and flannel and doesn't care that I ate an ungodly amount of bacon for breakfast.

Next came the swim suit competition, but I won't post pictures of that because:
1. There are perverts on the internet.
2. It is the middle of winter and Grace feels no need to tan and/or shave. WHAT? DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD? Whoops...
3. I have eaten too much macaroni & cheese over the holiday season.

In the end, I was voted Miss Congeniality. This is, in part, because I have no talent.

Well.... I have talent. Just not any talent I can show on a stage or, in this case, the middle of my living room.

It is okay. I am learning to deal with this fact. Seriously, I'm fine. Don't worry about little ole talentless me. I don't care that I couldn't dance to save my life and that my vocal chords hate me.

I'm going to see a therapist Monday.